Warning: It's full of rant, shit, and crap. Don't waste your time. Go waste others. (And this is my lame attempt in that)
Choices - the spoiler of everything. I'm a person who is surrounded with plenty of choices - except in relationships (I suck at it). I'm a person who lack the freedom to make choices. Choices and complications go hand in hand. The more you have choice, tougher the decision. Few choice, you want to have more choices. Wrong choice, its consequences and suffering. Have no choice, it sucks too. Basically, choice sucks. Big time. I am writing after a long time, and I have the choice of filling it with shit (which bdw I'm doing a great job). Told you, choice sucks. Got my point?
It's been more than a year since the groom hunt began. And I have had my share of stories which includes every emotion. Being single sucks. Especially when you really don't want to. But you know what sucks more? People pushing you, desperately wanting you to shed the fun-filled 'single' title. Meeting guys and analyzing (and getting scanned in return). Asking the same questions to every guy. The stupid formalities and behaving 'cultured'. The discussions before and after the meet. Flying comments. Differences of opinions. Clash of expectations. No one to share or understand. Ah, the list is endless. I so much need a break from all this! So many choices, yet not one that puts an end to this funny game of choices.
Last year sucked. I drowned in depression, self-pity, lowest self-esteem, nightmares, what not. I had so many choices there too and I picked everything. In return, I lost everything. Every bloody thing. That didn't hurt. It's the way of life. What hurt most was losing your own self. For worse. It's a phase, get over it - people say. But nobody pulls you out. You are stuck with your shit. Suck and get sucked. It's more horrifying than it sounds.
But again, choice comes to rescue. It offers hope. The most powerful emotion. And life isn't so bad. Few choices makes you glad, few suck that up. It's complicated. Just like relationships. And it ends just like them, either break up or a lifetime companion.
Companion. Friend. Ah. They sound so alien these days. Or rather, I am so alien to them. Of all the choices I made, good, bad, right, wrong, impulse, planned, amazing, disastrous, the choice of choosing friends, of friendship, God, it hurts so so badly. All you need is to talk, to lift the burden off your chest, to smile, to have good time. And here I am, blessed with the choice of staying away from this simple yet most beautiful relationship. Funny, isn't it? No, I quite like my company. I don't like crowds, I stay away from people. But you can't eat the same food, 3 times a days for months and years. Isn't it? The scarcity of choice!
Of all the thoughts and choices dancing naked in my mind, the choice of ending the choice with a choice of a beginning, oh how I wish, I had a choice!